Sometimes ....

.... I rationalize things like this:

I am feeling down. Music has the chance to make me happy. I should by an iPod and then I can listen to my 20GBs of music whenever I want. It will make me smile.

This is simply false.

I do not need any more gadgets. I hardly use the ones I have.

I purchase something I just know will make my life click into focus and everything work.

It never does.

Answers are not in worldy goods, no matter what religion or belief system you follow, but in yourself and your own thoughts.

Peace does not come through belongings. Peace comes from within.

This is easier to write than to live.

Take care and sans souci.

All love.

posted by Pacer 6/21/2005

Sweetly, softly flowing over pebbles in the brook...

Summer is here. Without school it almost seems as if there are no seasons. Only holidays.

Sometimes the sun and the warmth and the green catches me eye. It makes me smile.

Sometimes my day just keeps whizzing by without me noticing.

I miss the days I could go outside and just toss a frisbee with my friends.

I miss the days I could go driving around, listening to music and singing at the top of my lungs with friends in the back seat sharing in.

I miss the carefree days of youth and college.

I now have stress headaches and an ulcer. I do not excercise. I am getting ... rotund. More so than ever before.

I sit here and listen to music which reminds me it's summer.

I need to find an ultimate frisbee club or something.

Our lives are too short to worry and vex ourselves over things of which we have no control.

Worry is over-rated. If only I could remember how I let it all go .....

Part of it was simply not caring. Which led to not doing any work.

That can not be the solution. There has to be a middle ground.

I hope I can find it before it is too late.

posted by Pacer 6/21/2005

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Print-on-Demand and Self-Publishing....

And the hyphens simply keep on coming!

I am considering self-publishing a book. It will take a lot of work on the manuscript side, but I think I can do it. There is already some decent content on this blog, plus I can likely write some more, so the manuscript seems to be doable. I will also need some proofreading and editorial help. I think I have some friends who will help.

The interesting side will be the publishing. I found this company (www.booksurge.com) to be the best deal for me. I have Adobe PageMaker 6.5 and I am fairly proficient in its use and the creation of PDFs through it. I believe I can make a good product.

So the $99.00 pre-print setup fee and the approximate $12-$15 per-book fee does not seem so bad.

The real question is whether or not I can provide a good product. I do not think I will be looking for a profit here (although it looks like I'll get maybe $2 per book sold) but regardless of profit, I want something that doesn't suck.

Much of my writing, especially my earlier writing, is indicative of my age and period of life at the time I wrote it. For instance: On these pages you will find quite a bit of teen/young adult angst regarding love and the nature of love. Oh the pining and the whining and the poor poetry and prose which rhymes far too often in a Victorian children's literature way -- I do not think a book full of this kind of thing will be worth ever reading.

I do feel I have some interesting short stories. I am looking at doing perhas a comination manuscript with short stories introducing themes which are further explored through poetry. We'll see how that works.

I originally thought "Oh, I have lots of written material, I can just use that!" when this crazy idea popped into my head. Well .... not so much.

After reviewing all of my work published here on this site I have decided that there will need to be some new material from me if this will work.

I do have some decent works on here, but they do not always flow well together. They are as scattered as my thought process is wont to be.

Some of my favorite pieces will likely not fit the style of manuscript I am planning, so that is a bit sad.

We'll see how this ends up. Likely my efforts will fail into oblivion, especially in this time of chaos between moving from one location to another and doing it again one month later and all the upheavel this will cause.

It might be interesting.

posted by Pacer 6/14/2005

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

The One

I am not perfect.
I do not have a clear mind or a clear conscience.
Which is not to say I am guilty -
But, understand that I am simply lost
While, somehow, I am found.

It is new.
And I am still finding my way.
I am still trying to understand.
How to react, how to think, how to behave -
It is all new.

But, above all, I have you.
The moment I saw you, my heart smiled.
The smile was put on hold for a little while,
But it would not be denied.

Being with you gives me purpose.
IT makes my thoughts more clear.
My heart yearns for yours, and through you I relax -
The deep relax.
The kind of relax which gives you a deep sleep.

What I know for certain is that I want you.
What I know for certain is I need you.
What I know is that I can not live without you.

Always in my heart I carry you.
Always in my mind I carry you.
Always you are near.

Always I love you.

posted by Pacer 6/08/2005