Moment

What is it in a song.
The staccatto rythym followed by a gentle chord here and there.
And then the notes lilt up from a sax.
Sometimes, sometimes you just have to learn to relax.
Sometimes you have to realize, it's all just sans souci.
Sans souci, and there we go.
Just gotta chill and let it flow.

posted by Pacer 4/28/2004

Pledge Allegiance to the Now

I pledge allegiance to the moment.
The instant.
To writing in the now, and forgetting about the past.
Or future.
I pledge to just let it flow.
I pledge to keep myself from being locked.
I pledge to fight this world with all my strength so that, one day,
One day I might be able to overcome it.
To move beyond it.
I pledge for the now.

But I also fear the future.

posted by Pacer 4/28/2004

A Letter

Dear Sarah,
I write to you from work today. The sun is rising over the buildings on the other side of our parking lot and streaming into the window on my right, rendering the computer screen nigh unusable unless I squint and struggle to see. For this reason, please forgive my typos.

Today is a new day. I should not complain, but I imagine I will. The prospects look altogether pleasant as I have done a good deal of work towards a few of my goals and my friend Chris will be arriving later in the evening for ... something. We'll probably just end up shooting the breeze, but maybe we'll play a game or two.

I tell you Sarah that today is not so bad. As of now, at least. I do wonder how it will end. Pleasantly, I hope.

Best regards to you and your flatmate. Good luck with school.

Love,
John

posted by Pacer 4/28/2004

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

Streams of Conscious Memory

How many times do the images of moments
Float up into a mind?
Of times lost,
Sweet summer mornings and faces of smiles,
And the hazy times of holding hands and laughter rising from smiling lips?

Love is a strange thing.
It conflicts, hurts, constricts, and liberates.

Happiness is what I dream of,
Elusively.

Whether it be with you or just me,
I know it will never be.

Happiness, they say, is internal;
Eternal.

But let me tell you about happiness;
It is a fickle mistress to us mere mortals,
And only through something greater than us can it be found.

What that is, I do not know.

posted by Pacer 4/27/2004

The Cure - Pictures of You

Songs that move me are far too numerous than they should be for any red-blooded, American male who is straight. At least according to the common American lexicon for "guy's guy." (Of course, wouldn't a "guy's guy" be the kind of guy a guy wanted, and therfeore ... well.... you know?)

This is one of them.

posted by Pacer 4/27/2004

Ponderably Pondering Ponderous Things Ponderously

The shock of being thrown out of the shelter we call schooling and family and into the so-called 'real world,' which in many ways is more fake, is still something I have not fully recovered from.

What are these things required of me now? Build credit. Begin saving. Find a job. But not necessarily in that order.

The common ..... feeling amongst folks of my limbo state is that this is when you begin down the unwavering path of your life. Your path you choose here is the path you will take. Deviations from this path might occur, but they will be minor.

Once one becomes a Doctor, a Lawyer, a Contractor, or even a Bum you can not easily change to become another. At the end of graduation day your choice of life path should be chosen, stamped, sealed and on its way to the fates above for review.

How I do envy those folks who have a mission, a goal, in this life -- ones that clearly see what they want to be and do.

I sit and consider my options. Of all the things that mesmerize me, I know there are a few key points I want my life to conclude upon:
1. I want to enjoy what I do for a living;
2. I want to have a comfortable existence where I do not need to stress over money or other propertorial items;
3. I want to make an impact on the world, be it at the community level, world level, or anywhere in-between;
4. I want to do good, however and wherever I might be able to do this.

The problem is that I do not have a specific set of goals, desires, needs or wants. Unlike some folks who plan on becoming Doctors, I do not desire or need to cure people. It would be nice, but I do not have that drive. I have thought about law, but I am not sure I have the drive required for this either.

And then there are the more esoteric possibilities -- the less defined career paths. Business owner, corporate monkey (worker), Businessman. These are far more nebulous and harder to track down. Owner of what? What kind of Monkey? What kind of Businessman?

And so, while RadioParadise.com plays "Pictures of You" by the Cure, I sit and ponder the ponderable things one might ponder on ponderously throughout the day.

Ponder. The new word of the moment.

posted by Pacer 4/27/2004